Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Looking Back

As this last week has been so full of unfortunate news, unknowns, and only seems to be getting darker I am finding peace in looking back.

One year ago today, a sequence of events started that brought Phoebe Kate into my life forever. I remember the intense emotions from this day (unknowns and many fears). February 20, 2012's emotions do not differ much from the emotions of February 20, 2013. Though our situation is different the call to trust the Lord in the difficult times, in the unknowns, and in the dark days is still the same.

On February 20, 2012 my good friend Chrisnet Fertilus went with his father to Petit Careanage to speak with Phoebe Kate's birth father (Exilien) regarding her current situation. Many options were discussed but sadly enough he felt like it was not possible to bring her back into his care. This was the first time Exilien and his family learned of my heart for her and resolved to take her out of the orphanage and into my care. Another factor that was very much out of my control was that Exilien's family would be present and participate in this decision. How thankful I am that this was a decision the entire family made and is supportive of me caring for this precious girl!  I had no idea how this little meeting was going to turn out at this time last year... and still had no idea what the days to come would hold.

Chrisnet captured this beautiful sunrise on his way to meet Exilien. 

Exilien Loranvil (Phoebe's first father) & Chrisnet Fertilus

Idolecs (Exilien's brother) & Exilien. 

Had I known what was coming around the corner in just 4 short days this time last year I would have run the other way! Had I known what this day one year ago today would have produced... what the rest of 2012 would hold... I would have rejoiced but I would have wanted to run! I could not have handled what was coming...but looking back... I see the Lord's hand in each and every detail. I see how He has used circumstances and situations to mold me and make me more like His son. This is His promise from His Word: "For all things work together for the good for those who love God and are called according to His purpose. For those whom He foreknew He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son so that he might be the firstborn among many brethren." Romans 8:28. 

Looking back today gives me peace. It reminds me to trust Him with the details and to place Phoebe Kate and our family in His hands. He is good and He is faithful. I choose to trust Him... no matter what the outcome. Not my will but His. This is the way to really live... 

1 comment:

  1. Choosing right along with you! Love you and thankful for your trusting heart!